Twenty-four weeks six days

          Twenty-four weeks six days.

Waiting to see the light at the end of the tunnel

 Only three months & thirteen days till baby K is here! I am so excited to meet her, I want time to fly by. I want summer to pass and I want to have my family together. I want us to be able to be together and start our lives. 

 Everyday has been a struggle with B bring gone. It's not easy, my hearts heavy, I feel lonely, I miss our conversations. I miss his laugh. Everyday I put on a brave face, I build myself up to be strong. No one I know, knows what it is that I am going threw. But even if they were and asked what was wrong, it's the same thing that was wrong the day before. I am lucky and I am surrounded by caring friends and family, surrounded by lots of love except from the one person I desire to have around the most. 

 

 We email almost everyday sometimes we get to chat online if the time difference works in our favor for the day. I just wish he could be here with me and be there when baby K is born. It hurts so bad I will not be able to hold his hand or see him hold her for the first time. I miss him. I keep myself busy so to not over think things to hope he is being as caring and respectful towards our relationship as I am. 

 

 My newest hobby I have been doing to keep busy and to keep my mind clear and stress free....YOGA.... It has been so helpful in freeing my mind from everything that is going on. The environment is so welcoming and wonderful, the classes take away my physical pains and the meditation takes away the worries from my mind. Along with being a healthy activity! With doing yoga and working out I have been feeling better than I have in a long time with my body. 🙏

Soon B will be at a port and soon we will get to Skype, will be the first time I get to talk to him and see his face since I saw him right before his deployment. I just in him, I just can't help but worry sometimes. I don't want a broken family. Just thinking and staying positive, hoping for a happy and healthy baby girl to be born then the safe return of B and the start of a future together as a family. 

7 month count down...

⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️⚓️

  Today was the day, the day I knew that was coming but it felt like we had so much time before it did. B deployed for his 7 month deployment today and it was so hard, emotionally I am just drained. I miss him so much already, I miss his touch and just having him hold me while we lay together! And the way he can make me smile and cheer me up when I'm feeling down. In a way it's good because now the count down has started for him to return home to me and baby K and we can finally start our new adventure as a family. I have never loved someone the way I love B, he truly inspires me to be the best me I can be. He has such a good heart and has a beautiful way of looking at the world. Our baby girl is so lucky to have such an amazing daddy. I just am looking forward to our future as a family. My heart is still heavy and I know there will be easier days than others but knowing that at the end of this very difficult and challenging road I can see the sunshine and when that day comes it will all be worth it! 

  The moment I am most excited for is for B to get to meet his baby girl in person for the first time. I don't think I have ever been so excited for anything in my life! I wish he could be there with me when K comes into the world, but I know it breaks his heart he can't be so dreading on that he can't be there more doesn't help. But our reunion as a family will make all the tears and heartache disappear! 

 While B was on break before his deployment we had our baby shower in Arizona surrounded by all our amazing friends and family who have given us so much love and have given K so much love! She already has an amazing Godmother who we couldn't have picked a better person to be. After the shower B and j drove back to California to his home city up north and saw his family and childhood friends, was so great seeing him happy and carefree. The rest of the week we spent running errands and spending with our very close friends. We didn't do anything super crazy, or go anywhere fancy but the time spent dancing, laughing and just talking with the ones the net the most to us and to B was the best time in the world. A special night spent with his very best friend and his lovely wife ( who is also Bs close friend) and their adorable daughter was one the best nights. Just relaxing talking about becoming parents and enjoying good food with good people made the end of the week end off perfectly. And as a last to do B and I spent our last day sleeping in getting good food, and went and made baby K a very very special bear!🐻

  We made K a bear from build-a-bear! She is a colorful little bear we named Sprinkles from mom & dad to K! To make it even better B recorded a special message in it for baby K to have so she can hear his voice every night. 💞 until K is born I am borrowing her bear for cuddling with is brings me comfort in knowing he put so much love into creating this bear for her. I play the message close to my belly every night since so she can hear daddy's voice! 

 I miss you B, it's hard to not want to crawl into bed and hide, to not cry and to not want to fly across the world to come find you. You are the most amazing man I have ever met, thank you for not giving up on me a year ago when I was a lost soul who was just afraid of love. Baby I love you and am so proud of you everyday! And no matter where in life our adventures may bring us you can count on me and K to always be there with you! I love you forever & always. Hurry home K and I are waiting baby!

Xoxo

Support our troops people, they all need to come home to the people they love. 

Heavy heart

I just miss you so much my heart hurts. Kenzie needs you and so do I baby!❤️

Forever&Always 

XOXO

Missing the group we call family very much.❤️

 It's COACHELLA season!!! And weekend two is in full swing! And baby & I are not joining the group of amazing new friends and our family-friends group. B is out on the ship and I haven't been able to talk to him in a few days which is made today and this coming up weekend a very emotional one for this already emotional prego. I miss the none stop laughter I share with my group, the smiles and memories we have made so quickly. B and have some amazing friends who have all turned into our small family group. Some are new and are warming and welcoming and have become family so quickly. Their supprt along with the long time support we have gotten from our family/friend group. I have been thinking a lot of so many people have or were negative or just weren't fully supportive but where "happy" for us. But this group that contains 8 of us is all I need when it comes to friends and family. And not having any of them to talk to or spend time with makes me miss them all so much. I hope they dance the nights away and make happy new memories at coachella but I really can not wait till B and mines baby shower comes up in just a short 16 more days!! 💗💗💗💗💗💗

 

  Than after that I get to spend 9 full days with the love of my life and some of our family friends while we are in California. Everything is so bitter sweet lately, and I know my over emotional state is not making anything easier! 

But when things are down and when I'm feeling lonely( since Kenzie Kat doesn't talk back much)  my sister came up with a great idea to go have a girls night and do some shopping and just hang out with the girls. Will be myself, my sister, my niece and both my moms. Should be exactly what I need to help bring me out of this funk.  Keeping positive & sending out good vibes 

#motherfeelings

 

  Got my first true real feel of pure excitement to get to hold you and get to know you and your beautiful soul. Kenzie Kat I love you💗

#pregnant & #confident

                Pregnant & confident                

 It's taken me awhile to start to feel comfortable with my body changes. I have always had weight issues growing up, so with the first 5-8 pounds I really could feel the difference. I am not use to being at this high of weight for my small size. 

 Things I did to help myself feel better and more confident was continuing to work out. Laying out for small periods, when I am tan I feel better, I feel golden!😊 I give into my guilty food cravings j just do in portions. I could eat a lot healthier but eating in portions allows me to still feel good and get what I want!  But what helped the most was I have a really supportive and loving man. B helps bring me up when I'm really down about myself and my looks. The best feeling is him loving how I look and making me feel sexy. That's the best feeling in the world.❤️✨✨